Sarcynacle

Hello all :)

Today's post was needed.

Sort of.

The other day, my step mom decided she would let me in on an observation.

Here's how the conversation went:

June 12th (one day after my birthday)-

Nina: "Hey, Jenny. Do you want me to let you in on a little observation I've been noticing the past few days or weeks?"

Jen: Thinking "Oh crap, here we go again."

Real life hesitating: "Uh sure?"

Nina pets our maltese and situates herself on the couch:

"Okay, well, I've been noticing that if you change this, you could make more friends."

Jen thinking: "Sh*$, what, I have no friends? I'm lonely? I may need pshyciatric help? Thanks Nina, for making me a sad 14 year old for the first time. No wait, second time because last night at my birthday party, you got drunk...off of a glass of wine. I don't even want to BE around you and you're telling me what's wrong with me? Thanks once again."

Nina:"So, I think that you're a very cynical and sarcastic person. And sarcasm is very rude and people just don't like sarcastic people. I mean my boss fired..."

Jen thinking:"NO SH#* I'M SARCASTIC! As if I may need to be tapped in the forehead for being a disgrace to you. I'm almost never sarcastic in the family. I'm not a rude person, what the heck is your problem with me?"

Nina: "...people for being sarcastic and if you keep on with this, you'll end up lonely and with almost no friends. But if you change your attitude, you'll end up with more friends. You shouldn't let being cynical and sarcastic make that your personality."

Jen:" Yup."

Jen thinking: "Just nod and agree and this will be over soon...man, when will she shut up?!?! She thinks she's being nice, thanks."

Nina: "I'm only saying this because I love you, you know that, right?"

Jen: "Yup."

Jen thinking: "HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED THAT I'M WATCHING TV? I HAVEN'T PAYED ATTENTION TO YOU FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES AND YOU INSIST ON TELLING ME THIS. THANK YOU NINA, THANK YOU. Also, you might want to know that I may be sarcastic and serious and all that stuff but that's who I am. You don't even take the time to get to know me. Whenever we have time to talk, you gasp at everything I say. Example:

Jen: Hey Nina.

Nina: *Gasp* JENNY! IS THAT YOU?!

Jen thinking: Who else would it be stupid?

Jen: Yep, so I was thinking...

Nina: *Gasp* What?!

Jen thinking: If this is how it's going to be then fine, bye.

Jen: That I'm hungry and the food smells good. Is it almost done?

Nina: *Gasp* You're hungry?! *makes weird monster noises which cannot be done justice by blogging* Well, food's almost done.

Jen thinking: Crap, thanks. You sound like a freaking ten year old. You're 41! I swear, each year, you get younger. First, you're 25. Next year, you're 5. I didn't know that 5 year olds have MAC and Victoria's secret. By the way, isn't the PINK clothing line supposed to be for people around my age? You have more crap than me and you use your money to pamper yourself, you self-indulgent, selfish, gold digger, idiot who didn't even finish college and you want your son to get straight a's? YOU HAD A SEMESTER TO GO! Way to fail..."

So that was what was going on in my head during that stupid conversation. She really did say those things, I'm not lying.

Why is it that parents think that just by saying the you-know-we-love-you-and-that's-why-you-had-to-know-before-you-ended-up-making-an-idiot-out-of-yourself line is supposed to suppress those mean things.

Step parents are cruel.

No, scratch that, step MOTHERS named Nina, are cruel.

Man, I just wanted to slap her.

After that, she just looked away and started laughing at the tv.

HER LAUGHS SOUND LIKE MONKEYS SCREECHING!

I'm not exaggerating that.

Not one bit.

I didn't exaggerate a single thing on this post.

Well, that's that and monday, shopping!

I have a feeling that when I come home with makeup, she's going to freak.

She makes me so uncomfortable with myself; like I am never good enough or that I'm not good enough for something. She never fails to give me that much.

Oh and best part?

Colorado:

July 13th-22nd, I'm visiting my step aunt with my step brother, and the devil.

Devil being my step mother.

Agh.

My dad was smart in not going.

Why couldn't he bail me out of this?

We better be going shopping.

Her husband is rich as all hell.