Oh my dear friends...

Old Blog, New Place: My oh my it's been a while hasn't it? Well, nothing has happened. Literally, every single day has been the exact same and that's kind of boring me. Can't wait to leave this horrid place. Ok well, I had something in my head but, it left. D: Uhm, so, I wanted to talk about names. Yes, names. So, let's say that you just arrived at school the first day. New people, old people, the whole enchilada. You sit down in a new classroom next to new students. You make small talk with them and you learn their names, etc. Well, the next day, you forgot their name, but they remembered yours. How does that feel? It sucks. You walk into class, see the people you just met the previous day, and you don't approach them. You're too afraid to talk to them because you forgot their names. But they call you by your name and it's like something weird has happened. Guilt, I guess, for not knowing their names. Makes me wonder how teachers remember things like that. So, I've always pondered the thought that maybe you're too caught up with either being popular or talking to new people like crazy that your brain can't handle things like that. You never know. And along with not remembering their names, you just altogether stop talking to them. It makes them feel useless because it was a chance to make a new friend. Frankly, I have no real clue what I'm talking about here but go along with it. It makes me feel better. SOOOOOOOO, that thought has been stuck in my head for days and days and just wouldn't leave it unless it was typed. Yeah, I know, strange woman, blah blah blah. That's all I have to say for now I guess :P

New Blog, New Place: I love my friends so much. So much, in fact I apparently have three more sisters than from my birthmother. But you know what? It's alright. Because without them, my life would be so boring and pointless, I wouldn't be alive by now. My "sisters" are the ones who can deal with the crap I throw at them (SO not a monkey) and somehow make me feel a lot better than I ever had in the first place. Usually it's just life itself that kills me and my head. Apparently they can make sense of my life better than even I can. But isn't that just the point of having fraternal twins and sisters? Ever since I've moved here, I've been in the best emotional condition I have since third grade. 5 years later and voila! You have a fresh, new, eccentric Jen. People back in Hawaii just never seemed to like me. In third grade, they all seemed to be able to take in my oddness and turn it into something different. Everybody loved me then. And now, people love me, just the same. But never in my wildest dreams would I ever think that I'd find a friend so nice, so confusing, so helpful, and so in general loveable. Actually there are two of those ladies in my life. They have their problems and so do I. We help each other sort them out and make it out alive. No better feeling than the feeling of having someone there with a giant net underneath you when you fall. In reality, it was my friends that kept me alive. That and church. God is someone whom I don't take lightly. He literally saved me and for that, I give him my everlasting love and faith. I see kids at my school who don't even believe in him and think that God is just a tale. I'm not there to change their feelings but honestly, if they found God, they'd realize how much better life could be. You'd see me at my happiest when I go to church. Maybe there should be more believers because without him, I wouldn't be writing this very blog. I'd be laying in a casket decaying with some sort of self-inflicted wound causing death. I've experienced a friends suicide and it isn't happy. My friend committing suicide was the worst thing that could've happened to me, my family, his family, and most importantly, my sister. She and he dated and were very well off together. He was a great guy, he was never mean to me, he was just the sweetest. And then my sister ends up crying on the couch saying that James had died. You wanna know the first thing I did? Ran outside on the balcony and called my friend. She really made my day and she probably thinks that she had to. But she didn't have to. And for that, I thank you Angelica, for making me the happiest I've been in years and my dad forgot :). So as you can see from this very blog, my life was a mess cleaned up by a swiffer mop or duster. Idk. We all have our bumpy times, why not try to repave the road? And the only way to heal is to hit where it hurts or else you won't know how badly you're doing. Thanks for reading,

♥ Jen.