I just feel like crying.
My life is so lonely.
Although I'm loved by many people,
I feel like I'm alone and there's nothing I can do about it.
Guys make me feel like that.
At one point, I get my hopes up and then they
tear them down.
I'm even considering being a slut but where
would that get me?
Nowhere.
Guys and girls would constantly talk behind my back.
Sometimes I probably wouldn't get that lucky.
The guy I did/do like said this to me:
"well I did think I liked you but I didn't want to say I did till I knew you better but now I honestly think just friends would be better for both of us:/"
Yeah. That sucked.
I can't get any guy and it is really tearing my head apart.
Yeah, I'm only 14 but still, I just feel pressure.
Not only from my friends but I put on this
pressure that I can't even handle.
I want to scream.
I want to fall.
I want to leave and start over again.
Life for me right now is just going down.
Why is it that when my best friends
like a guy, they instantaneously like them back?
I could only be so fortunate.
They love the fact that they can get any guy
with their beauty and personality.
The only personality I have is boring.
I smile to make sure
that other people are having a good day.
I smile so that my pain is hidden so far away that
I'm not even sure what is going through my mind.
My head over analyzes things to the extent
that I scare people away with my mind.
All I want is a boyfriend.
One that I can depend on,
one that will tell the truth,
one that will like me even on my bad days.
My best friend has so many problems
in her relationship but guess what?
Those are all because she takes
things too far.
I don't want that to happen.
But then again this is her first relationship.
I just...need to have love.
Love around me.
I feel so empty.
Nothing is being digested into my mind.
Hope is lost.
Familiarity is overrated.
What is left?
4 comments:
jennnn.
iloveyou.
you're so not alone, i hope to god you know that.
i don't cause a huge scene anywhere because i know that'll get me nowhere, and it seems like you are the same way.
and you know what? i know how you feel when it seems like my best friends can get any guy. less then slash three.
totally sucks, doesn't it?
-cayleyy.
oooh miss how dare you say your boring! your so NOT! i wish alex would just not ever be in myy theatre groups and you could be. if you were to be a slut youd be like aura but better looking and that would kill me. my head would explode
Jen returns to make a blog entry! >.<
Eh. I hope you're okay. I feel bad. I don't really know what to say. Most people just give the same advice and say it's different for everyone and that everyone's time for love comes at different times. That's all I really know what to say, even though it's cliche. :|
I guess the best you can do for yourself to help with the pain is to try to be happy with your surroundings and make the best of it.
I understand the pressure you may be feeling but maybe some I've-been-there advice? The more pressure, the more forced the harder it will be to make things happen.
I know it sounds hard but relax and enjoy. You will find the right person. It. Will. Happen.
And it will happen a lot sooner if you're not stressing about it. :)
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